Ep 37: The Pool Episode – Bikinis, Floaties, Hot Dogs & Aperol Spritzes

Welcome to Episode 37: The Pool Episode 💦🌭🍹

We're going full summer mode and breaking down everything that matters poolside — think bikinis, speedos, floaties, Aperol spritzes, hot dogs, chaotic pool parties, and snack hierarchies. Whether you're floating in peace or cannonballing for attention, this episode is your official guide to the summer poolside.

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Transcript

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Welcome to another episode the Demon Babie Podcast. I’m Joseph Lombardo, an old southern woman told me I'm a strong man with a strong name today, and I'm sticking to it. And I'm sittin here with Blond babie. And today she's going to ask you to play mermaids, because today's episode is the pool episode. So welcome to the show Em. Jump in. Let's play mermaids. Splish, splash. There you go. Welcome to the show. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. So I love that we're doing the pool episode after we just went to a pool party this weekend. True. We went to a great pool party. Shout out Carter Cruise. right there! Nailed it! A great. Pool party. And Planet Fire for hosting with her. Nailed it. Nailed it. Put it right there. Yeah, a great time. Great pool though. I mean great pool for a pool party, pool. Swim up bar stools, lazy river, second story. Hot tub. Yeah. Pool. Slide. Yeah, yeah. Pretty elite design, I would say. I literally don't think they’re missing one thing. I don't think they are either. Maybe a basketball hoop. No, I saw one. It’s not in the pool. Also. They set one up in the pool though. So. So there you go. The pool had it all. Had it all. And it was kind of warm. Yeah, right. It's not cold. Love that you didn't get in. I didn’t. I'm now realizing you didn't get in the pool. No. Well it's the pool episode. So, sit back, relax, and let's get into our topics. Hit me with the first topic. Saltwater pools. vs. chlorine pool. Love a saltwater pool. It feels so much better on your skin. But chlorine has a place like. I wouldn't trust a public saltwater pool unless it's the ocean. But that's not what we're talking about here. If a public pool was saltwater, I would be suspicious. I'm like. I would too. I've never seen one. I think there's a reason. I think chlorine. You got kill all. You gotta kill everything. But one of my friends growing up had a saltwater pool, and I made my mom take me over every weekend for, like, an entire summer. So I good after saltwater pool. So it's so much better. It feels so much better. Okay. Saltwater pool in a normal pool form or saltwater pool, that's pretending it's a beach. Like, has one of the slopes entries. Yeah. Walk in thing. Only if it gets deep enough. It still has to go at least eight feet. Yeah. Then, that's ideal for me. What about you? I, I like it because you can kind of lay in the shallows and you feel like you're on the beach, and that's kind of nice. But also, I like a pool that is normal. There you. Go. So saltwater, I like it. I don't think I like a sloped pool. If it's not saltwater. You don't like a chlorinated sloped pool? No, I'm fine with it because then you can lay in a little slope. No just give it a little like Baja shelf. That's like the lower version of. Could be nice. Could be nice. Hit me with it next topic. Pool cocktail. What is your approved pool cocktail? I knew this was going to be well. Every situation has a drink to pair with it. It's true. Drink pairings are one of the most important things you can choose in life, so this is an important one though, and, I this is new for me. Okay, what new territory are we diving into with your pool cocktail? Corona light. Not a cocktail. Corona light. La playa is only a. Lime. Away. Yeah. Wow. It's crazy. They don't sponsor us. No. Well, I probably will after they hear that ad. They really should. Yeah. I've been thoroughly enjoying a poolside corona. Poolside Coronas. Best beer. Yeah, poolside. But cocktail can be a couple of things. Okay. can be a margarita. Okay. True, true. I agree. Could be a classic tequila soda or. A Paloma. Or Paloma. But I'm gonna say a lot of people's classic pool cocktails. I'm going to have to mix. What are they? Pina colada. Too heavy. I, I agree, I thought about it. That's cool. You're in a bikini. I'm sorry. We're LA people we worry about. Looks good. It's like. Yeah. Okay. Pina colada is not doing it for me. Margarita is not going to hit you like that. But I don't want a blended margarita pretending it's a pina colada. I want a normal margarita. Maybe spicy, but I don't want a blended drink. Generally, no, no blended drink. Blended drinks are out. Blended drinks are out. No Froze at the. Pool. No. Froze No froze. I'll take a blended drink. Like in the desert or something. But not at the pool. What's your top tier pool drink? I'm going to agree with you. If you're going beer, I'm going to say Corona. I'm gonna be a light. You're going to be heavy. Corona. Light. Delicious. Easy. Perfect. Yeah. Cocktail. I'm going to say an aperol spritz It just is. Oh, it's pool. It's very summer. Yeah, I get that margarita I’ll have everywhere. I'll have a margarita. Every single restaurant. But pool only Aperol spritz. Okay, I like it. I see that next up, like skinny dipping. I feel like we talked about skinny dipping recently. Skinny dipping? Are you a Stan or. I'm like, whatever on it. You're mid on skinny dipping. I feel like have no opinion on skinny dip. Of course I have an opinion. I'm mid on. It is never a good. You need to have a private pool. We live in an apartment building. You can't really skinny dip in our pool. But if you do you probably get a good adrenaline rush. Maybe. You’re being real silly. Real. Naughty. Real naughty. Yeah. What about you. I'm pro. Oh, silly. As long as you're not. Yeah. You're a guy. No there are perves that could start stalking you for being naked out, being seen. Yeah. That's true. So, no. Pass. Okay, fine. Don't get stalked then. Sorry. I didn’t know you were so anti stalker. Yeah, fine. Hit me with. It. Next topic. pool parties. Love big fan of pool parties. Also getting better at day drinking in my own personal life. Which helps with pool parties. Yeah. Because you have to be good at day drinking at. A pool party. Yeah, I agree. I like a pool party that goes to night too. That's nice. Everyone's messy. You know, it all got fucked up in the pool. You know, no one's, like, really put together. The makeup's not there anymore. Yeah, it was almost feels like a 2004 house party. It was really nice seeing because by the time I got to the pool party, everyone was already a little messy. Like, I got there at the halfway point. I missed the beginning. So it was kind of fun to come in and see. You got to play catch up. I got to play catch up. But I got to see everyone being messy like no I have to be the first mess no one, no one was on the P's and Q's. And that was really fun. I like that especially in LA where everyone's always on their PS and QS. Or try to be. Or try to be. Not Us. If I had gotten there earlier I would have got in the pool and that's how I feel about the pool party. Okay, so you have to get it in the pool at a pool party. Unless you show up really late and then it's too late to get it. Or is not like a bar, then you don't have to What? the house. Pool party. Yes, get in the pool. A bar pool party. No you don't have to. Oh, look. Next topic. Bar pool parties. I'm not getting in the pool. They’re gross. I'm. Most. Likely not getting in the pool. I think. Unless I get a lot of shots. And then I'm definitely going in the pool. I'm never seen you get in a pool at a. Bar Pool. That’s not true. I've been in many pools, at many bars. That's not true. Well, I'll get me drunker. What, are you on drugs? No, thank God, I don't think you need to be drunker at a pool party. I think you're solid. Drunker? Drunker? more drunk. More drunk? Sorry. No. What do you need? Why not? I think you're solid. I don't, I think you of all people. You're good. Me? Yeah. You're talking about me specifically. You specifically. Not the audience. No. They're fine. You're attacking me. Yeah. And my morals. Yeah. And my rights. Yeah. I have the right to be as drunk as I want to be a pool party. And I think you always hit it right. Why do you need to be more drunk. If I'm not hitting the pool? Because it's obviously I'm a little too scared. No, I need to grow up. Next topic. Pool food. No pool. food for you? No. Such a lie. You're such a burgers and hot dogs, girl. Burgers and hot dogs are the only. I like a cold pasta salad by the pool. No, I like potato salad. No, I like, tuna sandwich. No. I like, tuna sandwich. A turkey sandwich, too. No burgers and hot dogs only. acceptable food. tacos. Also, if you're doing the margarita vibe. What kind of comfort? What kind of talk about the street. Taco. Like, al pastor, carne asada, fish taco? No. Those two. See I think I could do a fish taco at the pool. No, because then I'm going to feel like a fish if I go back in the water. Well you're playing mermaids. Mermaids eat fish? Probably. That's probably true. Are mermaids vegetarian? I don't know, you're a mermaid. They're not. Okay, well, next topic. Someone call Ariel. Call Ariel on the next topic. Night swimming. I love night. Swimming. Yeah. Big night swimming. Fan night swimming is so elite. on, like, a really hot day. It's still, like 85. pool light on pool, pool light off. Pool light off. You're in the stars. Okay, that's when I skinny dip. That's. So that's when you're going skinny dip. Yeah. Okay, fine. You found your place in time. Yeah, but night swimming is a late night swimming in the ocean is fun. We're not talking. About the ocean. Oh, water. It's not this episode. It's the pool episode. It's a body. Don't bring up your ex in front of your new girl. It's a body of water. I'm getting in her at night. Oh my God, what, are you night swimming? Yeah i love it Who’s mad at night swimming. losers. Freakin losers. Me? You. Next topic. Bikini rules. What are rules of bikini? No. rules wear whatever you want. upside down. Love it inside out. If it's reversible full Bush, if you want. To, one piece. If it's cool. Two piece. No tankini No. That's my only. Rule. All right. There and there you go. You said there are no rules. I broke it down. We did. no tankini. I don't like Tankini. I don't stan tan tan tankini tankinis. I almost was interested in this. Like cutie little boy, short one from Frankies Bikinis. I might have to ex that out too. No, but, if you saw it. It's like slutty. It's like the outfit. You don't wear shorts over, okay? It's a slutty Frankie's bikini boy shorts. Boys short. Okay. Yeah. Almost bought that for a 4th of July, and then I was like eh. No. Okay. But could still get it. Upside down, boy short. Boy shorts. All allowed No, tankini is no tankini. Okay. And those are the rules of bikini. What are your rules? Look at it. The smaller the better. The smaller the better. Pervert. Rule number. One. Next topic. Public pools. Like a public city pool. You are not okay with them, but you grew up swimming in them. So I don't understand. I just don't feel like doing it. I don't know why. You’re such an interesting creature. You grew up going to a public pool, but then you also went to a. The golf course. Pool? Oh, the country club. Country. You. So you were a not only were you a public pool, you were a country club pool. which and you're still anti public pool. I'm kind of anti country club pool too. Would you be if it was a better country club. Yeah. No probably. Be fine. Yeah. That one was just dorky. Yeah. It was the worst one. Real country club kid we're sitting with. Sorry sorry. No you're not are What about you Public pools. You know, I've been looking at the public pool right by us a lot and I was like, then, since I'm such a workout king lately, I'm like, should I go and swim some laps? Because, like, where else are you going to swim laps? Public Pool. Public pools, the only place you can swim laps and there's a lifeguard in case I die. There you go. Wins a win. So public pools are okay with me. And growing up poor that is a good way for some people to get wet. Yeah, go get wet people. No, I wasn't saying anything against a public pool. I just don't feel like going to the one right there. That's fair. It's in the middle of Hollywood. Kind of gross. Yeah, that's not my But it's actually not that gross either. Oh it's. Fine. Pretty well-kept. You're the one that got it gross. Not me. The amount of the homeless people sleeping on the gate of it is concerning. It's concerning. That's how I'm going to get a stalker now. Now you’re not lookin out for me. I didn't tell you to go. Hit me with it. next topic. Hotel pools can be really good or really bad. It depends on the hotel. It really, really does. If it's called a retreat, it's got a really nice pool. I think that might be the rule. No, that's not the rule. The rule is if the, the pool is still under the hotel like basically in a garage. No no bueno. It needs to be fully outdoor. It needs to be the most outdoor pool ever. There was one hotel I stayed up with my mom in Arizona, and the pool had like a little tunnel thing that went from the inside pool to the outside pool and you could swim through it. Oh man. It was super juiced. Yeah, I was like eight. Yeah, I think I'd still probably be pretty. But I didn't go to the I swam into the inside pool and did a spin around. What? It's really gross in here. And I went back out. There you go. Because inside pools are gross. How do you think Shamu felt. Yeah, yeah. What about the hotel pool we had where it was on our balcony. We had like. Oh, in Mexico. An extra, like three feet off our balcony. That was a pool that connects every single balcony. though. I didn't love that it connected. every balcony. that was crazy. Should have had, like, a little. Something. I didn't mind it. We didn't get caught doing anything. No, but I loved it. It was really cool. It was. Crazy looking. Yeah. hotel pools can really pop up next topic. This goes along with the hotel pool, swim up bars. I don't think I've ever properly done a swim up bar. That's not true. At the same exact hotel I'm speaking of. I know we swam up bar quite often. Yeah, I still feel like I didn't do it. Well, thats cause, you don't order your own drinks because you're just a passenger. I'm just a girl. I don't have to order my own drinks. True. Okay, so what do you think of a swim up bar? The idea. Since you've never been to one. Super fun. Super fun. It. You can't spill really. No. It's great. Yeah, that's my drinking in a pool is fun. I do like that aspect. Yeah. You can't get sticky at all. No, I try to not get sticky. Being sticky is the worst part. Stickyyy Next topic. Ideal pool. weather. hot. How hot? Not humid. not humid. then sometimes you won’t wanna get in the pool. Dry off when you get out. Yeah. You don't want to just be still wet. I agree, I want to be like lizard on rock dry. Yeah. I love like a desert. Desert dry. Like Palm Springs. Hot hot dry hot. Ideal. how hot? Up to a hundred past 100 that you're teetering on too much. You can't get out of the pool. That's true. And then you're fried. I don't mind not getting out of the pool No, you aren't as white as me. I just burn. True, you’re true honky. I am like bacon. I'm just crisping up crispy. I like bacon crispy how do you like your bacon crispy. Yeah, but not my skin. Oh, yeah. Okay. What about you? about me what? Hot and dryr? hot and dry, baby. All right, next topic. Pool toys. I'm thinking about this. They’re really, I was going to bring this up if you didn’t. what is your favorite pool toy? I think my favorite pool toy, I don't know, I. have an answer. Donuts holes. I like the circle ones because you can sit in like this. You can sit in it like this. You can sit in it so many ways. Yeah. The tube I love it. You love a big tube. I love the donut. Donut holes. Donut. Elite. If you have like the swan one it's always a little awkward. never quite sits right. Do you like a big blow up lounge though that gets a little water on it? Okay. No. Tube. because you then you're laying down awkward and you have drink. But maybe you have cup holder. But then your little brother is going to come over and flip you or something. You have no little brother. I don't but I have your little brother. He doesn't do that-----. Oh Well that's a plus. I’ll bleep their name out. They'll hold you you lose your drink. What about a noodle? Is that the worst? Yeah, really? I put respect on the noodles. Name noodles? Super silly. I don't get me wrong. I will. Respect the. Noodle. I will use all the pool toys. all of them. But elite is the hole. I like that about you. That you'll use all the pool toys. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, yeah, it's very fun That's why this works. Yeah. But the noodle. Noodle might be above lounger. I like a noodle, I get it. You can. You can sit on it. You can play it. Yeah. The noodle is very entertaining. The girl. We get it, lady. You like a noodle. Sorry. what's your favorite pasta noodle? Rotini. Nice. What about you? Parpadelle. Nice next topic. No, I like water guns too. Oh, yeah. Pool toys is still going. Yeah, yeah. What are your favorite pool toys? I like water guns. Volleyball. I like a good volleyball. Make a soft ball net and a volleyball net in the pool is nice. Wait do you want, a real volleyball in the pool? Or do you want, like, one of the blow up inflatable ones? Blow up inflatable ones for the people who are too slow. Yeah. You know, me, It’s me. Hit me with it. No, I like water guns too. Good. good. Next topic. Jacuzzi hot tubs. Hot tubs? The. I used to really hot tubs. The Robin to the Batman. But but now. And just nobody cares about Robin. You don't like hot tubs? No, I do you crazy. I like to put my feet in. I don't like being fully in the hot. Listen here, lady. I'm gonna get in the hot tub. We don't have to be in hot weather. OH I was only thiking hot weather. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're putting yourself in a. Corner, a snow hot tub, is elite. Oh, I don't know. It's my. I'm. I'm not going to the snow without a hot tub. Not going. You don't you make sure any Airbnb I get you hot tub. I'm going ski hot tub. Ski. Well, let's be real. Snowboard drink snowboard snowboard drink. Snowboard. Drink Snowboard hot tub restaurant hot tub hot tub hot s’mores. Hot tub. hot tub. Yeah, get the stinky off. Get the sticky. off. sticky I love Jacuzzi I can sit in there forever I don't overheat. Yeah I do. Classically. Yeah. He's hot. He's hot. He runs hot. I like the word Jacuzzi, Jacuzzi, Jacuzzi. Jacuzzi. Where does it come from. It's a brand. I think it's a man, Mr. Jacuzzi. I never heard that Tom. Jacuzzi sold 1 million jacuzzis his first three years of business. That's not. True. Yeah i totally made that up. It’s all scribbles. Next topic. diving boards love. the only thing that party actually didn't have a diving board. It's probably good because it had everything else. I. I'm pretty sure they're illegal in California. now They are. Yeah. If you have one still there grandfathered in. Hold on to It. I love a diving board. They should be able to install them I love them, they're really dangerous, but I don't care. Public pools have diving boards. True. You ever do the high dive? I think I did once, and I was frightened. I was pretty young. I did it when I was in high school. You. That’s a better time to. Do it. You run the four mile as your final P.E., and then you get to jump off the high dive. Oh yeah i didn’t do P.E. You were a dancer. I love diving board though. tricks. Tricks off the diving board. Cool. So fun. Yeah. Big into tricks. You. You're a trick guy. Do you like to turn tricks? For sure. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Not what you meant? Not exactly what I meant. All right. Hit me with it! Next topic. Marco. Polo. Marco. Polo. Great game. Gotcha. The stress of Marco Polo. Oh, I will stay. Underwater for so. Long. I’ll just hold my breath until I die. I’m like, I'm not playing. No. I will not be saying Polo. I will not be getting caught. Yeah, playing with you is infuriating. I can hold my brother very long. Yeah. I love Marco Polo. It's really fun. Great game. Fun to say. You need to big enough pool, though. If the pool is too small, you can't really play. You need a pretty decent size pool. And how many people do you need four? at least. I think four. Yeah, if there's only three of you. That's just weird. Yeah, that's just, just fuck each other or something. Oh my God. What are you doing? Playing Marco Polo, I don't know, open your eyes. The whole eyes wide, eyes, eyes wide shut thing is weird. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think you need at least four people to play Marco Polo, if not more four up. Not too many. No. Yeah. You can have too many. Yeah. Four to ten. Yeah. Yeah. Next topic. Other pool games Marco Polo deserved It's own. What. Colors. Colors colors is whatever. Colors is sick. You just don’t like it because it's a race. I'm slow. I may do better now. Oh yeah. You're so athletic now. I'm an athlete. You'd be killing it, Phelps Emma Phelps, baby Phelps. no. in the pool. It's not my. Name, baby shark. What are okay, Marco. Polo colors. What else is there? I know I can't think of one other. Like volleyball. Volleyball? Swizzle. what the fuck is swizzle? You throw a tooth pick in the pool. And then you have to. Find. It. And then when you find it, you have to yell, swizzle and grab it before anyone else does. We've played this together. I remember. Swizzle. Yeah. I'm not good at that game. What else? Handstands. Mermaids. How do you play mermaids? You just play. You can't teach it. You just know. You just know. You just know if you know, you know. Yeah. All right, next topic. Mens Swimsuits a controversial topic. Why? What are your rules? My rules? Yeah. It's more your place to give men swimsuit rules. I would say no rules. No rules. Yeah. Fashion's fine. You're cool. Speedos. I'm cool. Speedos. Yeah, yeah, alright I mean, have confidence if you wear the speedo though, Yeah. You have to If you’re shy. I don't care if you put a sock in there. Stuff it. Just have the confidence. It's rock your speedo. Rock your. Speedo. Whatever you're doing, give yourself. A pep talk. Rock whatever you're wearing. I went to the pool party, and I didn’t eat before, just so I felt confident. Yeah, but, see, that's crazy behavior. But I looked great. thhe photos turned out great. I'm happy. You're happy. We are not condoning not eating before going out. Unless you want to look good. Okay, next topic. It's a comedy podcast. goggles. I love goggles. Goggles. You do love goggles. Girls love goggles. Yeah. Girls are like, wow, I look so stupid. But I could probably still fuck somebody. I literally want a pair of goggles right now. Yeah. I was like, should she do this whole podcast with goggles? I thought goggles with that little eyelashes on them. No, but I could. Goggles with the nose installed or not installed. Not installed just, like, pink ones. Like pink Speedo goggles. Why don't you own any goggles? I don't know, I don't swim. Well what about a head cap. No head cap. No head cap No head cap no head cap. Yes. Goggles. Yes. Goggles. No, nose though. no nose pinch. Oh no nose area. Yeah. Just you don't need that. What about the little clip that goes on your nose? No, I've never seen. Those. I've never seen one in person. I've only seen that in movies. Yeah. Me too. Do you ever hold your nose when you go underwater? No. me neither. I've seen people do it though and it bothers me. I go. You’re fine, I turn, like, almost Republican on them. I'm like you beta soy boy. Grow up. come on, snowflake, you’ll be fine. Get some fucking water on your nose. It's salt. you’re literally going to survive. It’s salt. what if it's a chlorine pool. Well. Cancer is going to get us all one day. All right. That's all I got. Do you have anything for the pool episode? It's summer. I want to pool more. And. Oh, do you want to go to the public pool in New York? They just opened it. There's, like, a big one. Oh, I have no idea. Should I go? We'll look it up. Is it going to be raining? Thunderstorm like it said it might be. Maybe not that. We'll see if you catch us at the New York public pool. We might be promoting our new podcast, Demon Babie You're listening to it right now. That's all. Any updates? We're going in New York. We're going to New York. Are you happy? I'm so excited. Get me out of here. Is your life good or bad? My life is fantastic. I have the best life. Oh, good. Sorry. Other people. Your life sucks tell‘em My life is going to tell.‘em their life sucks. No. You're like, sucks. No it doesn't. That's so rude. Your life is great, but my life is better. Sorry. That might be more rude. Any updates? We're going to meatballs after this. I made meat balls. You made meatballs. Yeah. Do you think they're good? No. What? Alright, we'll see. We'll let you guys know about the meatballs as well. I'll add Joe's rating and you can see how he thought it turned out. We’ll both put up our ratings. Yeah. We’ll put our ratings. I don't think it was good, but whatever. My private chef. Follow us on TikTok. Follow us on Instagram. Follow us on YouTube. Drop your comments. And, let us know what you want to hear us talk about next week. Or if you think your life is better than Emma’s. It might be. But we disagree. Your life sucks. I didn't say that. All right, well, thanks for listening to another episode of Demon Babie. This was a pool episode. It was pretty okay. It was not our best. There's not that much to talk about. No, but we really made it work. And you're listening to us working. Thanks for listening, folks. See you next week. Bye.