Ep 24: Coffee

Frappuccinos are a gateway drug. Decaf? Completely pointless.
We're firing off hot takes faster than a triple shot of espresso in Episode 24 of Demon Babie — Twenty Topics. Twenty Minutes. All things coffee. ☕️💀

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Transcript

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Welcome to another episode of the Demon Babie podcast. It's me, Joey Lombardo, sitting here with the busty barista Blond Babie aka Emma Nilsson my best friend in the whole world. And, best co-host that, money has to, at least this money can afford. Welcome to another episode of Dream Babie. Today's topic is coffee. Pretty good intro. Today. I loved it. It was a really good intro. You really, really nailed it. Today I'm locking in on my intros. I think you are locked in. I think nailing it well. You know, it's only like episode 21, so. It's like episode 24. We're aging. It's getting up there. Fine wine. All right. So first topic I think Frappuccinos are the gateway drug to coffee. Yeah. It's like vaping. Frappuccinos are the vapes of coffee. Yeah. Like an espresso is a cigaret but a Frappuccinos vape. I agree I agree I agree. An espresso is an unfiltered cigaret. Yes. Yes exactly. Should we be regulating children drinking frappuccinos. Probably with the amount of sugars and shit that's in those is probably not that good for you. Yeah. It's enough to lose a foot over. But as someone who used to drink one every day, you'll survive. Hey. We're here. Frappuccinos. Yes or no? I mean, there's a time and place for everything. Even if I don't like it. Anymore. Most of the time, there's still time. I'm like. I could do it. I'd rather get that than a milkshake, a Frappuccino. I agree, it's actually way better than a milkshake. It hits the spot and gives you a little more up. Yeah. No. Yeah, a milkshake. I feel too heavy after. Yeah, it's going to hurt your stomach a little frappuccino Frappuccino. But you're a mocha frappuccino. Not bad. I was a caramel frappuccino. Caramel Frappuccinos never did it for me. I'm a chocolate kind of girl. You're a chocolate girl. So next topic. Mocha coffee. Mocha coffee is delicious. Which is really just. It's hot chocolate. Yeah, it's hot chocolate with a shot. Although it's like a little more bitter than a proper hot chocolate with a shot. You think? I like. If you did a Swiss miss with the shot of espresso, I think it's going to be a little bit sweeter than a mocha. Sweeter than a mocha? Yeah. I think well. I think just because of your chocolate ratio, it's probably a little. More. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. But a mochas good. If you go to a nice coffee place, I bet it's more around that level of sweetness. Oh, I don't remember where this is because I've never had it, but I think it's either in France or in New York. They do this crazy like it's mocha France. It's in France, right? God that mocha. I think it's just hot chocolate. I don't think there's any espresso in. There, really. It's just hot chocolate. Yeah. Oh. Well, I. Think they dip the croissants and. Yeah. Yeah. France. I thought that was France with it. I would second guess myself once it was. Maybe it was NY. Got a pastry in the club, and then you'll really figure it out, you know. Yeah. Use your clues and use your clues. Thanks. Blue Blue's clues. Yeah. So I guess that's not coffee, but I still would like to try that. I mean, if you're going to have chocolate and a hot beverage, it's got to be thick. It's got to be. Thicker than a snicker. You know what I'm saying? I hear you like a bowl of oatmeal. Totally agree. With. You. Totally agree. Would you have a mocha? Yeah. That's rare. I feel like that's almost like a Christmas time drink. Like you get a peppermint mocha. I drink coffee like people smoke cigarets. I'm like, just give me a cigaret. Don't mess around in it. I'm in. You don't need dessert. Fluff faze. You know, I'm almost 30 now. I'm a man we’re not celebrating anything. We're just having a coffee. Damn, that was a tough outlook. Oh, I'm an adult, I pay taxes, I'm. I drink coffee, I pay taxes. I'm not an adult. I'll take a mocha. I'll take a mocha. Next topic. A flat white who orders those. Old women. Really? That's who's ordering. That's who I imagine I would have to. You know, it'd be good if we could call into a Starbucks barista right now. I'm like, who's the flat white demographic? Yeah, like I. Think it's flat white old women. Yeah, I could see that. That makes sense. The flat white for a flat white. That's supposed to be me in like ten years. I hate to break it to you. Those things aren't going to get flat any time soon. Flat from the back. Flat from what what. All right. It's crazy with the thumbs and all that stuff. Make canned coffee. I. You got yourself with that one. Miss giggles over here. Canned coffee can be really hit or miss. It's mostly miss. It's mostly. Men. It's almost always. And even a decent canned coffee. You're still like. Yeah, like it this milk old. Like, why does it taste almost always like the milk's expired? Yeah, it does kind of give that. Even if it's like an oat milk canned coffee, I'll be like, that's expired. Oh, I'm scared of the ones that aren't oat milk. I'm like, this two percent's bad. There's no. Way. There's no way that this is ok. Left in this. This cow had this milk like a year ago. I said, thicker than a snicker for this and not that. Exactly. I need that to be nice and runny and I don't want any. Oh. Got runny. Sounded bad coming out of a canned coffee too, though. Yeah. No, I wanted to be. Oh, you know, it's okay. It can be like a cold brew. Cold brew canned is fine. That's the best bitter. That's the best option. Yeah. I feel like you can almost taste the cans sometimes. Yeah. Especially if it's like a metal, like aluminum cans. So it's it's metallic. Like every can. Yeah, but sometimes it's bottled in like a glass bottle. Okay. True. Sometimes that's. Okay. I used to be all over the Frappuccino in the glass bottle. What? Yeah. I've never had. That. Yeah, you. Have you seen it? Came in a four pack banger. No. What? Oh, yes. We'll put it up here. Four pack Starbucks Frappuccino. Like it's not iced cause its. Just like. Store glass. Oh, it's in a glass. Yeah. That’s what we just said. I know. I'm. Not listening And hay day every time. Really? Oh, I would go into it. That's crazy. Now I want to try one. It tastes like a frap like a Frappuccino right off the bat. Just with that little icy bits. You get them at gas stations. Maybe. I have had one. You've definitely had one. One. All right, well, you're. Crazy. Anyways, next topic Up, a cold. Brew. I like cold brew I love cold brew. Cold brew can get so floral. It's crazy. That's what I was going to say. When. When you go to more artisanal places, I feel like they start getting really floral and like crazy, which is fine. But also, I don't really want to taste flowers. I want to taste coffee. Okay, so you want to taste the coffee, but like, what is an acceptable thing if not floral to taste like? Do you want to taste caramel? Do you want to taste citrus because you want to taste wood there's like lots of different shit you can taste the coffee roast with it. Yeah, I think those three things, I'm very yeah fine with tasting. You're okay with that? But it's floral that I like. Really. It's just because it's so perfume like at that point I'm like, I should be spraying this on my neck. Yeah. And I'd rather smell like. Taste this. Yeah. Like, oh, I want to smell like the hot girl that works at Starbucks, not drink it. Yeah. That's valid. Yeah. Next topic. Coffee farms. I really think they're interesting. I really want to go to one. I want to go to that one Brad Leone went to in, Oaxaca. Yeah, that one was so cool. That eco farm. Cut to us in. Oaxaca. be so cool. There's a real genie. Like I'm a genie in a bottle. Bewitched. Little nose wiggle. Right? Yeah. Yeah, I know I'd love to go to that. That one really made me hate like, big scale coffee farming. I was like, wow, this is another thing, killing the environment. And these guys are doing great things, and I love them. Yeah. I mean, I just, I like a vacation in the woods like that, you know? So touch grass. It really makes you every time you see a video of someone that owned a coffee for you're like, oh, this is my retirement plan. It puts respect on their name, and it just seems so cool. Oh, you're like, this is who I want to be. They're the coolest people. The coolest. If you own a coffee farm, you're the coolest person. Not a big one. Little one. A little one. Pequeno. Like. Muy pequeno. mm Si. Next topic, local roasters. also wanna be one of those. Roasting your own beans out here. Yeah. You can roast your own beans. How? In a pan. In a roast‘em in a pan. I feel like I wouldn’t do a good job. I feel like I wouldn't do a good job either. Yeah, I feel you just got to be a little bit of a larger scale than that to do a good job. Maybe. Or that's. Maybe that's really. Just be like, oh, I roasted these and they’re perfect. Now where are you going to get raw beans to do it? I don't know, I don't know, I don't have a I don't have the plug. I'm sure you can figure that one out. I got call a few people and maybe make some calls. Yeah, I need some Ethiopian beans. STAT. What's your favorite coffee bean location? I'm always usually very happy with South American. I was going to say Costa Rican beans. I feel like always are really good. Yeah. Yeah Colombian beans are really good too. Ethiopian. Beans are nice though. Yeah, they’re like classic. Yeah I feel like if you want a classic tasting coffee you get an Ethiopian bean. You gotta have that high altitude. Yeah. Higher the altitude the better. Got to get high. Gotta get high. Next topic. Coffee shops. Can be so good and both so bad. Like what's the best part of a coffee shop. Do they have to have a signature drink I think yes. They need to nail a classic latte. Well, no, I think they need a signature drink. Do you think I don't repeat go. A signature latte? Yeah. I don't repeat customer places that don't have a signature drink that I can't get somewhere else. Okay, that's true, actually, because I'm making my own coffee at home, and I'm only going out to get coffee to get something special. And a specific flavor. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I want to get that coffee there. I want to get this coffee. You know, I want that kind of cream. I want that kind of, you know. Yeah. No, they actually have to be 100% right. I don't know why I even thought I was going to say no on that one. There's a few coffee shops that don't, and I, I've only been there when I was like near it and I needed coffee. Yeah. Like just I'm no I'm like yeah I'm not going to because I make black coffee at home every other day. Yeah. You know. So why would you waste your time. Yeah. And it's like, how are you going to open a coffee shop and not have a signature thing to open people up to get there? Like, why would I come if you didn't have something special? That's what I'm. Saying. Yeah. No, I, I agree completely. I was thinking about it and I was trying to give the nice answer. And the honest truth is you have to you have to have a signature drink. And if you don't, don't bother. So what's your favorite part of a coffee shop? That's the thing, I don't know. I think it's the signature drink. I don't know how much I care about the esthetic, but at the end of the day, I think people are putting a lot, a lot, a lot of emphasis on the decor, which is important. But if the coffee is shit I'm not going back. I'm gonna say most important. And my favorite thing is good service and community. Yeah, 100%. I mean. Without that, I mean, the coffee can be not that great. And I'll come back if the service community vibe was nice. I'm back in. Okay, I get that. but if. I was at the barista and I felt uncomfortable ordering, I'm like, like, this is, oh, this could be the best coffee ever. There's really good coffee shop on La Brea I'm not going to say where because I don't I'm not going to do that. Fine. But I think their coffee's fantastic and it's by Blues Dog Groomer. And I don't go because the vibe is always so terrible, and I think the coffee's delicious. But every time I go, the baristas make me feel like I am a piece of shit for ordering coffee. Yeah, I'm like, okay, why am I here? I mean, our local coffee shop is inconsistent with the flavor of the signature latte, but they're always so nice to us. We keep going. Yeah, agreed. And like, it's nice because you go to oh, today's really good ones. It's not that good. You just go. No, I got it. I got a coffee. I got a coffee and they were nice to me. Yeah. So we're okay? Yeah. What's your least favorite thing about a coffee shop? Bad service. Bad service, bad service. It's both the worst side. Which I get. You're going to have your own stuff going on some days. Yeah, but if. It's consistently bad. There's some places that are consistently a bad vibe. Yeah. Like the one on La Brea that's like, I don't. I'm not coming here. I don't care. If you. Oh or like a consistently too long of a line, that’ll get me. Good community good or what's that one in Silver Lake Maru? It’s not Maru. Something like that. The one with the orange on top I don't know, I don't know that one's line. Also too long of the line. Camel. Yes. Camel. Delicious coffee lines. Too long. Really nice people that work there though. Really great service. Once you get inside. They really they're lines long because I take so much time getting your order and making sure you got what you wanted. And that's why they're lines long, which is great. It's nice, but I don't like standing in line that long. There you go. Sorry. Next topic. Best coffee in LA. Best coffee in LA. Yeah. The best coffee in LA is the Turkish coffee in the Valley. That's a good take. I think the best coffee in L.A. right now is that Memory Look, in K-Town. Don't blow up our spot like that. I will bleep it out. Yeah. No Memory Look has insanely good, coffee, the Einspainners or whatever. It really. Good. Well, I've figured out that ever since we've been there, that's the type of coffee that it's a type of coffee. And it's also trending right now. And to have, like a cream top. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that, that they're really hot right now. Yeah, it's definitely dessert. It's like it's like the new. Yeah. It's the new Frappuccino. It's the new Frappuccino. An I Einspainner is the new Frappuccino one. Hundred percent. 100,000. But memory looks really good. Yes, memory looks really good. And the place in the valley. Yala. Yeah, yeah. Really good. I really like that little coffee. Little banger. Yeah, a little sand coffee. I think it almost as chocolaty. It's possible. I'm gonna say. It. I think there's sugar in the rim. Yeah, but I'm saying their coffee tastes chocolaty without being a mocha. I see what you're saying. It's a little. Chocolate roasted bean possibly. Possibly? Possibly. Delicious. That's my the sand. Yala Coffee. I'm favorite. Actually, I'm craving that now. I would like to go get that tomorrow. Can’t get that anywhere else. No, you can't get that anywhere else. I don't know one other place. Okay. Yeah, I would say memory. Look, Yala. And then I already forgot the name. Camel. There you go. Delicious. That's a good. Yeah, that's a strong community. Goods is good. But I would also say inconsistent. Sometimes it's really good, sometimes it's not. And their line's way too long. The lines is crazy. Their line stupid, but. They usually have a nice place to sit, which is also part of the vibe. Yeah, that's true. Next topic. Decaf. Not worth it. Fuck. Decaf. Fuck. Decaf. I feel like. Unless you're pregnant, I. Guess if I. If I ever get pregnant, I'm probably going to have decaf. Yes, I'm kind of. Sometimes you like. I guess you want to ride the rail a little. Yeah. You need to get the hit of at least the flavor you want. Yeah, but. But yeah. Otherwise fuck decaf. I can no point. I mean, yeah, I just it's. Literally only for pregnant people. but I feel like what you really. You don't have the caffeine. You need to show proof of pregnancy when buying decaf. Yeah, yeah. You need to show proof of pregnancy and or why. Tell me why. What's the reason you don't want caffeine? Can’t handle it then don't drink coffee. I don't know, I guess let‘em drink, but. Let them have what they want. But I just don't, I can't relate. It's like lame. It's like you're snorting baby powder. Why are you doing it? I don't know, no. No one knows why they’re doin that. Like, I don't know, I don't have there's not. My brain doesn't go, oh, I want a coffee flavor. But no, you must really love just the flavor of coffee. Then if you don't want any of the like. If you don't want any caffeine. Caffeine? Yeah, I don't. Just I mean, maybe just health freak, but. I mean, you really have to be against, like, what caffeine does to your brain. If you really want decaf that bad, I, I'm fine with it. I'll smooth my brain out just fine. I want it to look like a bowling ball. Okay. Shiny, smooth one surface. Then I think you wouldn't need to do decaf to do that. No. Yeah. No. The more damage you do to your brain, the more lumpy it gets wrong. We can fight about this later. No. You're wrong. We can fight about it right now. You're wrong, a bumpier brain is healthier brain. I don't think that's true. Yeah. A bumpier brain is a smarter, healthier brain. I'll bet on it. We have no one to ask. We can ask Emma in the edit Emma. Give us the answer. Next topic. Oh. Your turn. Matcha. Instead of coffee in the morning. I can't do it. I can do a. You gotta go through the whole ceremony. You gotta bless your ancestors. Well, I just don't have that kind of time in the morning. I know, you know, you need the little rake, the little comb and do that. The whisk. It's not a whisk. It's some sort of spider. There's a spoon. And I think it's some sort of, hardened spider that they found. Thousand year old. Spider. It's some sort of Japanese cursed Spider. Got it. That they used to make matcha. Okay. It works, it works. You got to bloom that thing. What are we doing? We don't have time for that coffee, but we're American. Yeah. You know, most people have tea in the morning. Most people do have tea in the morning, which is kind of wild. We can't. Do a tea episode, I'll tell you that much. I could not. I couldn't tell you much about tea except for a matcha. And I still like to have it dirty. Sorry. Do you? Is that how you say it? Yeah, that's how you say it at the coffee shop. You're a real perv, you know that you are. Do freak. You go give me a dirty matcha. I'll say. Give me two. All right. Next to me and. One for the lady. Oh, I'm making it an Einspainner and put some cream on top. Oh, my God, I'm. Next topic. Iced or hot coffee. Hot at home. Iced anywhere else. Lately, I've been into iced at home since we've been having so much ice in the house. It’s crazy work. I'm loving it. It's crazy. Yeah, I've been doing it every day I did it, too. I know. You're psycho. Yeah, I’m iced all day. I'm ice everywhere except home. Home is my hot coffee palace. And let me live like that. Live in your palace King. Thank you. Wow. All right next topic. I think we're out. You're out. I think I'm out. Espresso martinis. Great, pull! Thank you. Espresso martinis. Delicious. I'll drink I’ll order five of them. Put them in a Guinness glass I don't care. I love an espresso martini. I do too. Caffeine and alcohol. Thank you. Delicious. I will take an espresso martini over a vodka Red bull any day. I am so much happier. Not true for me. Because it depends where we are. That's what I'm saying. Depends where you are. If it's if I'm out somewhere. If I’m somewhere nice. And I'm sitting down, even if I'm not sitting down somewhere kind of nice somehow. Who’s getting a vodka red bull somewhere nice. Oh, that's. That's true psycho behavior. Yeah. You're you're jail. If you're at a nice establishment, you're like. Vodka, Red bull. I'd like a nice vodka. Red bull, please. Yeah. Espresso martini, is the acceptable version for sure. Yeah. The caffeine alcohol kick. Yeah. There's not really any other options that I know besides vodka, red bull, espresso martini. I don't know anything else, really. Getting into the range of caffeine. I've seen a couple of people make matcha martinis, but it's not like it's a thing that you can get just anywhere or often. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like a Four Loko. I guess.. fuck a Four Loko. That's crazy. You're saying you're not at a nice establishment. Bottom tier four Loko vodka, red bull. Espresso martini. That's your caffeinated alcohol and that's it. And that's it. And I think that's our show. That's our coffee episode. That's a coffee episode. 20 topics 20 minutes. Period. 21 minutes. 21 One. You guys got an extra one this time I'd like to apologize for. The hair on my face. It was for a personal bit, and I didn't want to bring this upon you people, but, you know, was. It worth it? Life gets crazy and was not that worth it. But that's what life's all about. Going for those little bits. Even if they're not that worth it, you still did it. You still send it anyway. You had a little joke. It worked out. Yeah, this worst things in the world than having a little hair. Definitely. Yeah, definitely. Do you have anything to say to the people? no. Catch you next time. Catch you next time. All right, I'll catch you. Let me know what, topics you want to hear. That's about it. All right, all right. That's the Demon Babie. That's coffee. Let it rip.